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They Surprise You

     My children are very lazy.  I blame myself.  In my desire to live in a manner different from which I lived in as a child, I want everything to look nice.  Neat.  Problems don’t exist in tidy houses.  Of course I realize this is usually the opposite, but it makes me feel in control.  As I am outnumbered, I really need to feel in control of our chaos.  I like things done right, which means my way, so I have a problem delegating my household chores to those I live with, who are shorter than me.

     As my writing commitments become greater (yay!) this has become a problem.  A good problem, but a problem.   I simply have less time.  I need help.  I expect certain little people to start doing their part:  clear the table, pick up their clothes, put away their toys and make their beds.  This has been met with great resistance.   I’ve been shocked by the reactions of my four lazy, entitled little people.  Aside from the irritation I feel for their unwillingness to do what I say to help me, I fear that I’m going to be sending them out into the world lacking some very valuable skills.  So I soldier (nag) on.

     I told them that they had to clean out the car, because quite frankly, the inside of the car is disgusting.  I’d like to emphasize that they and all their stuff transform our vehicle into something I really can’t let people see (or smell).  Imagine my surprise when I walked outside to check on them and saw this:

 

 

 

      Maybe there’s hope for them after all.  That, or they just like to play with the hose!

This Makes Me Sad

My youngest, my baby (who’s five), fell on the stairs yesterday.  It was awful.  When I saw all the blood on him, his pjs and the toy cars he was holding (which didn’t let go of before, during or after), I screamed.  Not cool.  Rookie mistake.  I scared the bejesus out of him.  I wasn’t the only one who was scared.  Daddy actually made the trip to urgent care with me, because it did not look good.

CHOA, at 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning in February, was packed.  We had to wait, as I held a blood soaked towel to my baby’s lip.  In triage I heard:  “Is there a hole?”  “Can you see through?”  “Maybe he needs to go downtown.”  Dang.

Fortunately, after cleaning the lip and chin, they opted for stiches.  He received numbing cream, a pharmaceutical “cocktail” and a tetanus shot (which had me on the edge), producing some whimpering from both mother and son, that I hope to never hear again.  After two stitches on the outside and two on the inside, we went home with one chillaxed boy, who I was hoping wouldn’t remember a thing.

Two hours later, the rascal had chewed though his inside stiches, so back to urgent care I went.  Momma was not happy.  Fortunately, they had mercy on me and swept me right to the back, all the while the hordes in the waiting room stared daggers into my back.  Poor Cam had to get two more stiches, this time with just the numbing cream, but my boy is brave.  Braver than me.  I couldn’t even watch, I just cried into his back as they performed the procedure.

It was a rough day.  Although it wasn’t my first emergency trip or my first experience with stiches and my children, it’s always an excruciating experience.  My heart can barely take it.  I have three boys, so I’m often told it’s a rite of passage.  It’s one I could do without.  Me and blood have never been a good mix.  I’m better with vomit, mucus and diapers (don’t ask me why). 

What about you?  Any trips to the ER?  What can you NOT handle when it comes to your children?

And the Oscar Goes To...

     I love the Oscars and I’ve watched every year since 1980, which was the year that celebrated Kramer vs. Kramer, a movie I loved (I was a weird kid) and the beginning of my Meryl Streep adulation.  The incomparable Johnny Carson hosted – I miss you Johnny!  I was also excited that the girl from Smokey and the Bandit (my point of reference, since I’d not seen Norma Rae) won Best Actress.  The next year I sang along with Irene Cara as she performed Fame.  Coal Miners Daughter was one of my favorite movies, so it was very exciting for me when Sissy Spacek won Best Actress.  At the time, I had no clue who Robert Di Nero was, but he’d gained and lost a lot of weight so I thought he was the bomb.  Apparently that was a great strategy, because over the years many actors have emulated him in their quests for the golden statue.

     I have many memories of the Oscars over the years.   I was fascinated by Cher’s audacity to show up at the ceremony in a headdress, but later concluded she was totally disrespectful.  I always love it when Jack Nicholson wins, because I know there will be a kick-ass speech.  Ditto for Meryl Streep.  I cried like a baby when Jane Fonda accepted her dad’s Oscar.  My favorite year was 1998 when Titanic, Good Will Hunting and LA Confidential ruled the nominations.  I was crushed when Annette Benning lost for the second time to Hillary Swank.  I take it all way too personal, often yelling at the T.V.

     Then there were the WTF memories.  Rob Lowe singing with Snow White?  Why?  Madonna on a date with Michael Jackson?  Yuck.  Angelia and her brother?  Double Yuck.  Marissa Tomei (who I love, btw) beats Judy Davis, Vanessa Redgrave and Miranda Richardson?  Recount!  Bjork and that swan dress?  Really?  James Cameron’s “King of the World” speech?  Puhleeezzz! 

     Okay, so my awards show love may have begun with the Oscars, but I am far from monogamous.  I also fawn over the Golden Globes (my favorite), the SAGs (bless them for being only two hours!), the Emmys (love my Primetime), the Grammys (which I prefer to record so I can fast forward though less favored songs).  I love it all - the red carpet, the dresses, the jewelry, the suspense, the reading of the names, the reactions of both the winners and losers, and the speeches!  Extra bonus points for the Golden Globes.  All the schmoozing and back slapping that goes on just before and after commercial breaks are fascinating to watch.  God bless you NBC for having the cameras on till the last second.

     I have awards show rituals.  I love the pre-game shows and prefer E! to the primetime network shows.  I can’t stand Joan and Melissa because I think they’re rude, clueless of the actor’s resumes and I have no clue who designated them fashion experts.  I always drink champagne.  I always keep score.  I always make my husband watch the opening monologue and the first two awards, after which he either runs from the room, or I kick him out for making annoying comments about narcissism and nepotism.  I always call, or text, or email my girlfriends about all the goings on.  During the Globes this year, I exchanged 157 emails with one of my peeps. 

Okay, one more little ritual – and it’s kind of embarrassing.  When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an actress.  Watching the awards shows, I’d dream of attending one day and of course, winning.  I’d daydream about and practice my acceptance speech in the bathroom mirror.  My dreams of fame and glory have long since dissipated, but I still run my acceptance speech through my head.  Depending on the champagne consumption, my acceptance speech may even be practiced out loud – aaaahhhh!  I know, I know.   Times have changed though; nowadays I’m accepting the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay.  In my dream world, I thank Oprah for discovering and championing my book, producing the movie and asking my girl Jennifer Aniston to star.   I get excited just typing these words!

     Tonight, I anticipate good things for my Boston boy, Ben Affleck.  When he wins Best Picture, he’ll probably be joined on the podium with his producer, George Clooney, so I’ll be a happy girl.  I just have to stay up till the bitter end, which gets harder and harder every year. Damn you Pacific Cost Time! 

     I’ll sign off with a “…And I’d like to thank the Academy…”

 

Post Script:  Benny Boy did win!  And out of twelve top categories, I was I picked eleven winners.   My best year yet.

 

Jane Porter

Jane Porter

My first interaction with Jane Porter occurred during the summer of 2008.  I’d just finished FOUR of her books (Odd Mom Out, Mrs. Perfect, The Frog Prince, and Flirty With Forty) and was enamored with her storytelling.  Author stalker that I am, I checked out her website, where I discovered three things - they were making Flirty With Forty into a movie starring Heather Locklear;  Flirting was loosely based on her life;  and she had a blog (I love author blogs). 

The first blog I read was also a contest, which I promptly entered.  Low and behold – I WON!  Yay me!  I received a gorgeous beach bag and a thick, hot pink beach towel…both of which I still own and use.  The beach bag was filled with candy, a Starbucks card and three beach books (not hers, either).  How generous is that?  Honestly, I’m unaware of any other authors who regularly give away so many serious prizes (and if you know of any….let me know, so I can stalk and win).

Then, after I read Easy on the Eyes, I sent a fan letter (I do this with any author whose book I love, so settle down with any concerns about my stalking).  She responded back and we exchanged a couple of e-mails.  A few months later she posted a blog about the promotion of She’s Gone Country and how she’d be visiting the south.  I suggested that she contact the Margaret Mitchel House, as they often host book and author events with southern themes.  Who wouldn’t want to celebrate their book at the home of the woman who wrote Gone With the Wind?  Jane thanked me, but wrote that she preferred more intimate settings, like bookstores or book clubs.  Well I had a book club – did she want to come to mine?  She said yes.  Just like that.  Can believe it?

Jane kept her word!  She came to Atlanta (from Seattle!) and took my whole book club out to dinner and gave us gift bags to boot.  How incredibly cool is that?  We were fans for life.  As she was leaving, Jane told me she’d had a great time and would love to come back.  Any time, momma!

Jane did come back.  Last week she was in town to speak at a Georgia Romance Writers meeting and host a reader event.   She offered to visit my new book club.  I insisted that it was my turn to host, because I wanted the chance to reciprocate her generosity.  Jane came for dinner, girl talk and book talk, and she brought a friend – another author, Wendy Wax.  Lucky girls, we got two for the price of one.

Jane discussed both The Good Woman and The Good Daughter but absolutely refused to spill about The Good Wife(!), which is the third book in the Brennan sisters trilogy (out in September).  She discussed story development and shared her bible of notes and pictures about the stories, characters and settings, some of which you can check out on Pinterest.   Jane and Wendy both talked to us about the publishing world and their writing processes, which are very different.  I was on the edge of my seat, fascinated.  I learned so much and had a great time. 

The first time Jane came, I was a nervous wreck.  Scared to death, actually, as authors are almost like rock stars to me.  It’s so hard to get published and even harder to stay getting published.  Jane has written and published forty-four books, which is mind boggling!  This time was chill.  She walked right into the house calling my name, asking for a glass of wine, like we’d known each other for years.  I’m so grateful for her visit, her insight, her writing, her sharing and her friendship.

Now go read her books – you’ll love them!

 

Book Club 2010

 

Book Club 2013

Chick Lit Central Book Review

 

 Strawberry Wine by Lee Adams

Please check out my latest guest review on

Chick Lit Central: The Blog
 

 

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2013/02/guest-book-review-strawberry-wine.html

My Forsyth: Killing Kennedy

The Review, as published in My Forsyth Magazine

A Declaration & A Request

 

Okay friends….a declaration & a request.  I have been exploring many other blogs and I have been very impressed.  I’ve also realized mine looks quite amateurish!  I’ve pleaded with Big Daddy to work his programmer fingers for my cause.  So, I declare to you all that a newer, sharper Latch Key Mom is coming!

I’d love some input.  Aside from colors, what attracts you to a sight?  Graphics?  Pictures?  Lay out?  I want to look professional and inviting.  Do you care what blogs I follow?  Should I have links to Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Goodreads?  Lay it on meJ!

Thank you

I'm Published!

 

I'm Published!

I’m PublishedJ - Yay!

Okay so it’s only a small, free, local publication…but sill, its printed paper for public consumption and its glossy!  I’m kind of feeling like the North Georgia Carrie Bradshaw.  Didn’t she write a column for a local magazine?  Or was it newspaper?  Anyway, when I found out the magazine had supposedly hit the stands (and believe me, there was some doubt about this – but that’s another blog), I drove around to four different places till I found it and then swiped ten copies so I could mail them to family and friends, who live far away.  I was so excited, I couldn’t stop smiling and fist pumping.  If (when, positive thoughts to the universe) I ever get THE CALL, Lord help those around me – I will be out of control!

I first put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) more than ten years ago.  That was when I decided that I was never going back to a corporate office and I was going to stay home with my babes and be the next Nora Roberts.  I was going to be a writer, just like that.  Yes, ten years ago!  It took ten years to finally hit the publishing lotto in the form of a 350 word column in a magazine with a 20,000 print run.  Girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.  Beggars can’t be choosers.

A lot’s happened in those ten years.  Two more kids, autism, six moves, two states, the death of loved ones, aging, thousands of miles traveled and many milestones reached, but I never stopped hoping.  I did however, sometimes stop writing.  So I really can’t say I’ve been working at it for a decade.

In the early days, I was blindly dedicated.  In the spring of 2003 I signed up for a Georgia Romance Writers workshop to have my work reviewed by a published author (Stephanie Bond writer of romantic comedies and mysteries).  I was sooooo excited, because I was certain that I’d be discovered on March 15^th, 2003, which was the date of the workshop.  Fate however, had different plans for my Ides of March.  My family’s autism diagnose blew my life apart on March 14^th, 2003.  Looking back, I don’t know why or how I showed up at the event, but I did.  I numbly sat and listened to Stephanie tell me what I did right and what I needed to work on.  I cannot even imagine what she thought as my eyes glazed over, with an utterly blank look, nodding absently.  But the writer in me can still quote this sentence from the thirty-five pages I submitted that she loved:  “Janet at one time had been a debutante in Brahmin society, but at forty-five she was starting over with her eighteen year old daughter, a truck load of memories – not all of them good – and the run-down Mustang of her eldest, estranged daughter.”   In retrospect, the part about memories and starting over is kind of prophetic.

                I gallantly tried to stick with it, even finishing my manuscript while my world fell apart.  Gradually though, my broken heart could not sustain my dream and I just stopped.  I didn’t write.  I couldn’t.  Yet I never told anyone that I wasn’t writing, which I guess means that deep down inside, I knew one day I’d do it again.  Someday.

                Eventually I did, but then I’d stop, only to start again.  I would read how writers expressed that they had to write – they had to, it was who they were.  I couldn’t, so I worried maybe I wasn’t a writer.  It wasn’t writer’s block, because I certainly had tons of ideas, but I just daydreamed about them and never did anything.  Then last summer, as I was blogging on our road trip, I felt good writing.  I was excited to sit down at the computer each night.  All that time on the road got the wheels in my head turning.   I realized that the kids are growing up and asked myself the question that all moms eventually ask, “What about me?”  I also love to read and so many stories inspire me.  I’d often visit author sites (I call myself the author stalker) and book blogs and I could never get enough.  I started writing reviews on Goodreads and I loved it.  Then I saw a contest on Chick Lit Central: The Blog, for a new book reviewer and I went for it.

                Through this all, I discovered once again, that I truly love to write.  Why?  Damn if I know.  I love to communicate, but often the art of conversation trips me up.  I’ll be listening and forget the point I wanted to make.  Or I will have too much to say and I will rudely interrupt the person I’m talking to, as if what I have to say is more important (I’m bad at this, but I am conscious of it and I’m honestly trying to correct the behavior).  I also have running soliloquies in my head – all the time, and to spare those around me from hearing them, I sometimes write them for my enjoyment only.  That’s why I love blogging…I want to get it out, but it’s up to you whether or not you read it, where as if I drone on in conversation, the listener will likely have difficulty walking away.  And let’s face it, I’d never let them forget it!

                 I love to write about my family so that one day my children will have a record that, yes, I did adore them (particularly important for the fast approaching teenage years).  I also lost a parent early in life and missed out on so many opportunities to know my mom.  God forbid that if I leave this world early, I want my kids to know me.

                 Also, since I was little, I’ve had an extremely vivid imagination and I dream a lot of shit up.  Sometimes I write that down. 

                 Finally, I want to help people.  It’s incredibly narcissistic of me to think that I have the ability to do this…but I’ve often been told by people in the autism community that they admire the way I handle things.  Believe me, this has been an evolution.  If I can do it, I honestly believe anyone can do it.  That’s why I want to share my story about autism.

                 Oh yeah…that book review contest?  I lost.  But the site’s founder, Melissa, was kind enough to invite me to submit guest reviews.  I did and did and did.  Poor Melissa.  Then one day she asked me to write a review.  I was very excited.  Ironically, it was an autism memoir.  Not like an apple falling on my head or anything?  Time to get back to my book.

                 So here I am.  Since then I’ve written and submitted more book reviews and then my friend, Lise, hooked me up.  For those of you who don’t know, Lise is the one who got me the gig at My Forsyth Magazine.  Gotta love nepotism.  Who knows?  Maybe there will be other magazines and maybe there will be other blogs…but in the meantime I’m trying to go viral with my blog.  But more importantly, I’m writing all kinds of stuff, all of the time, and  I’m a happy girl!

Past Book Reviews on Chick Lit Central: The Blog

(Link to blog is on the right.)

 

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2013/02/guest-book-review-me-before-you.html

Christmas Lights by Allie Smith

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2012/12/guest-book-review-christmas-lights.html

With Love at Christmas by Carole Mathews

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2012/12/guest-book-review-with-love-at-christmas.html

The Cat Who Came Back for Christmas by Julia Romp

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2012/12/guest-book-review-cat-who-came-back-for.html

The Ex-Debutante by Linda Francis Lee

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2012/10/guest-book-review-ex-debutante.html

I Have Iraq in My Shoe by Gretchen Berg

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2012/09/guest-blogger-book-review-i-have-iraq.html

The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond

http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2012/08/guest-blogger-book-review-pioneer-woman.html

 

Next post, I’ll explain how I stumbled into book reviewing…stay tuned.

 

My Favorite Books of 2012

(Which means I read them in 2012, not necessarily that they were published in 2012.)

Listed in alphabetical order.

Fiction

Beautiful Ruins – An engrossing novel that spans continents and decades.  It’s a love story, a war story, a fictional Hollywood tell-all and a satiric look at modern society that wants what it wants when it wants it, regardless of the consequences.   The book is elaborately plotted and a fictionalized Richard Burton is a key player, who miraculous ties all the characters together.  I don’t know how the author was able to make it work so extraordinarily.  Genius!

I Love the 80’s – Probably one of my favorite, good-time books of the year.  I just loved this story, but I’ve always – since the 1980’s - had some kind of crush on a variety of rock stars!  This book fueled that schoolgirl part of me and further entertained me by taking place in my favorite decade.  Jenna & Tommy made me laugh and swoon!  Great for a rainy weekend.

I’ve Got Your Number - I loved the premise of this book, with its clever plot.  We all, unfortunately, can relate to the desperation and panic we feel when we lose our phones!  Add to that, Gen Y’s tendency to court with e-mail and text and Kinsella’s ability to create a heroine who is charming, smart, funny and a bit fragile, combined with a dashing, debonair Englishman and you’ve got romantic comedy gold.

Me Before You – The best love story I read this year, and by far the book that cost me the most in Kleenex.  This story of a quadriplegic and his caregiver captured me from the beginning.  Moyes is a gifted storyteller who somehow made a hopelessly sad situation heart-stoppingly engaging.  I couldn’t put it down and remained hopeful till the bittersweet end.

On the Island – Biggest surprise of the year.  A book with a trifecta of buzz kills: plane crash, cancer, and an awkward and untraditional May-December romance had me turning the page faster than I could read.  Shocking, but I loved it!  It was a debut, self-published novel that took the publishing world by storm.  A star was born and I cannot wait for her sophomore effort.

The Ex-Debutante –  I adored this book.  There’s family, legal, social, and love story drama.  As if that weren’t enough, it’s set in the Texan world of Junior Leagues and debutante balls where everyone has money, and lots of it.  The characters are so funny and audacious; I laughed so much and personally fell for the charming hero.  Best character names, too:  Racine, Ridgley, Carlisle, India – so drama!

The First Husband - Laura Dave writes sophisticated, smart woman’s fiction.  Her writing is beautiful and had me feeling as though I was living in the story.  The initial meeting of the two romantic leads was my favorite of the year.  Their chemistry sizzled on the page and I couldn’t wait to see where they would end up.  Also, the book features one of my favorite supporting characters of the year, the first husband’s brother, who is technically a genius, but oh so clueless when it came to his personal life.

The Good Woman – One of my favorite authors wrote a mesmerizing story about Meg, a woman who makes one gigantic mistake.  Only Jane Porter could create a character with a vulnerable combination of good and bad qualities that made me love Meg, despite her what she did.  I found myself making excuses for her moral failings.   In addition to introducing us to a complex and flawed woman, Porter gave Meg a family full of complex, flawed people, who I can’t wait to explore.  Book two of this series comes out in February 2012.

The Next Best Thing – Jennifer Wiener has the unique ability to write extraordinary and compelling stories and each one is different from the next.  I don’t know how she does it.  TNBT is about a young Hollywood show runner, who has both physical and psychological scars.  It’s a true Cinderella story, but without the princess makeover.  It. Is. Amazing.  There’s a truly unique love story, but that’s not the best part.  It’s all the wheeling, dealing and sacrificing that goes into getting a script – someone’s baby - sold and then produced into a show, that I didn’t even realize.  Careful what you wish for…having your dream come true can be a real bitch.

The Paris Wife – by Paula McLain.   Is a fictional retelling of the love story between Ernest Hemmingway and his first wife Hadley.  It takes place during the absinthe soaked decade of the 1920’s in Paris, where they hung out with Gertrude Stein, F. Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald and other literary elite.  Poor Hadley has her husband stolen right out from under her by a close friend.  It was awful, but I couldn’t stop reading, even though I swear I’ll never read anything by that dog Ernest, again.

The Underside of Joy – by Sere Prince Halverson.  The book is beautifully written with lyrical prose.  Oh, how I wish I could write like that!  A story about grief, it’s basically a downer for much of the book, but the author wrote characters who were so human that I couldn’t leave them.  I just wanted them to get better and be happy again.  There’s a heart wrenching custody battle that is high stakes and I really had no idea where the author was going to take everyone.  I couldn’t put it down until I knew that Annie and Jake (the children) would be happy and safe and where they belong.

The Violets of March – by Sarah Jio.  This is a book with two stories.  First you have Emily who is newly divorced and visits her Greta Aunt on Bainbridge Island, in order to get over her heartbreak.  Then she finds a diary from 1942.  The diary is another story of heartbreak, this one about Ester, who gave up on her true love and married the safe choice, only to regret it for a lifetime.  There are many parallels in the two stories and the diary ultimately helps Emily heal…but not before she solves the mystery of who Ester was and what ultimately happened to her.

What Alice Forgot – by Liane Moriarty.  The book was fascinating to me.  The plot wasn’t original, given that I read three amnesia themed books this year, but Alice is an unforgettable heroine.  She wakes up in the hospital with the last ten years of her life gone, finding herself the mother of three children whom she doesn’t remember.  She’s also getting a divorce from the man she was madly in love with (in her mind) only the day before.  What in the world happened?  Alice’s reactions to the chaos of a house full of rambunctious children is priceless and had me laughing so hard, I had to put the book down.  It’s a great story about one woman’s quest to find out how life changed her for the worse and how she can get back to the Alice everyone else has forgotten.

Where We Belong – By Emily Giffin.   This one is a given because Emily Giffin has never written anything I don’t love.  This is the story of Marion and Kirby (and Kirby is one of my favorite fiction characters of last year).  At eighteen, Marian got pregnant and gave her baby up for adoption.  Eighteen years later Marion’s baby, Kirby, comes looking for answers.  Their reunion is awkward, but it kicks off a tentative friendship between the two as they hunt for Kirby’s biological father, which in itself is quite complicated!  But as always, it’s a page-turner.  The story also encompasses Marion’s parents and Kirby’s adoptive family and everyone has a stake in this story.  Giffin provides everyone’s point of view and no one is portrayed as a bad guy.  It’s up to the reader to decide whose side they’re on…I for one couldn’t decide.

Wife 22 – by Melanie Gideon.  This book had a very unique spin, on a plot that isn’t original.  Alice and William have been married for a long time (they’re in their forties) and both are contemplating the age old question, “Is this all there is?”  Rather than turn to each other, they each deal with their midlife crisis separately.  William quits his job and Alice turns to the internet, where she signs up to take a marriage survey and is designated as “Wife 22.”  As she answers questions about her marriage, things get very interesting!  We learn about how Alice and William met and what their dreams were, when they were young.  Just when it seems Alice has remembered what she loved about William, she falls for the researcher.  Alice has to decide if her future is her past or her present.

Nonfiction

Bitter is the New Black - by Jen Lancaster.  The original Jen Lancaster memoir was written after she was laid off from a very lucrative job, in the wake of 9-11.  Her unemployment lasted for a couple years, and she was forced into temp work and almost ended up on the streets (or living with her parents).  It was during this time she started blogging bitterly.  The book is funny, realistic, heartfelt, ironic and bitter.  Loved it.  It all ends well, so that’s even better.  This book, although published almost a decade ago, is still relevant today, given the state of our economy the last few years.  Many people, sadly, will relate.

Bossy Pants – Tina Fey.  Just a funny and sassy read.  The woman is hilarious and her writing style is breezy and fun, yet I still felt like I was learning something.  She obviously loves her family, husband, daughter, friends and coworkers and writes lovingly and humorously about all of them.  She is a feminist and I loved the way she stands up for female comedians…you go girl!  Her biting zings at the Hollywood machine are priceless and I loved the additional insight into what made her “Sarah Palin” tick.  Then there was “A Mother’s Prayer for her Daughter,” which made me cry and laugh at the same time.

Jeneration X – Jen Lancaster.  Her latest memoir is a hilarious take on her own realization that she’s grown up (so to speak).  Now a homeowner and responsible adult who buys china and makes appointments for mammograms, she muses that her generation (which is also mine) is the most prepared for adulthood.  Her arguments are funny and sure made a lot of sense to me.  Go Gen X!  But besides that, it’s full of hilarious stories about things that could only happen to Jen.  Her dumpster diving tale is priceless and her references to Generation X pop culture will make you nostalgic.

Rod Stewart – by Rod Stewart.  This page-turner is full of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, as well as details of encounters, parties and affairs with the beautiful people of 1960’s London, 1970’s Hollywood and the modeling world of the 1980’s!  Rod Stewart’s career spans 50 years and he was in more bands that I can recall, even after finishing the book, but it’s a “who’s who” of both British and American rock scenes.  A talented and humble man who has lived quite a fascinating life, Stewart writes with humor and self-deprecation about being a son, brother, father and finally husband.  Stewart is a fantastic performer (I can vouch for this, having seen him live and having an incredible time), and after reading about all his songwriting, album recordings and concert hijinks, I spent a fortune buying his old albums on iTunes.

Steve Jobs – by Walter Isaacson.    Fascinating, disturbing, enlightening and quite frankly at times, heartbreaking.  I fluctuated between disgust and awe.  There’s not a lot to like about the man, but there is no denying his legacy.  His story is legendary and quite frankly lives up to the hype.  We’ve all benefited from his visionary nature, but I can’t say the same for those who loved him.  He could be cruel, heartless and cold, yet almost everyone around him seemed to worship him.  Still, I dare you not to cry when, dying from cancer, he has to turn in his resignation to Apple’s Board of Directors.

 

How the Latch Key Mom Came to Be

I’m the Latch Key Mom, or at least that’s what I’m now calling myself, because I had to come up with a cool name for my blog.  Okay – maybe it’s not exactly cool, but it does describe me and my mommyhood.  I’m fortunate to be the mother of four wonderful children.  One of my babes has autism and he likes to explore.   I’m the warden of my own personal Cuckoo’s Nest, so I wear my house key on a lanyard around my neck, to lock in all our craziness.  And believe me, it can get crazy.

A few years ago, we lived in a typical subdivision, on a cul-de-sac, with lots of neighbors close by.  As my son with autism (Bear – short for Barrett) got older, he discovered that our backyard fence was easy to scale; that our door locks were easy to manipulate; and that there was a great big world out there, which we’d sheltered him from.  Fortunately, we were lucky enough to have some very kind and patient neighbors.  On both sides of our house, we had empty-nesters, which in addition to always having an eye on everything, also seemed to find amusement in our little explorer.   Before I even knew he was gone, my phone would ring with a call announcing, “Barrett’s outside!”

Once upon a time, Bear walked right past an adult (who will remain nameless, but it wasn’t me), on our back porch, while in his pajamas, as it was past bedtime.  The adult was actually on an emergency business call, and honestly never saw Bear walk past.  It was getting dark and Bear walked down the back steps, scaled the fence, went up the hill and entered the house of some neighbors with whom we were still only acquaintances.  Yes, he just opened the door and walked in, like Goldilocks!  He looked around – and I’m speculating here, because there’s no proof to this portion of the story – probably investigated the pantry, used the facilities and looked for a computer.  Not satisfied with what he found, he ventured upstairs.  At this point, I do have eyewitnesses, so I’m revealing the facts.  He entered the family’s master bedroom, where mom, dad and three children, dressed in their jammies, were gathered on the bed for story time!  My Bear got so excited; he jumped on the bed to join them. 

Back at the ranch, the adult on duty got a call...talk about mortifying!  I swear to God, my husband called a real-estate agent, because a sign was most certainly going up in the yard the next morning.  Those neighbors were so understanding and lucky for us (and Bear, who made many more uninvited entrances into their home), they became close family friends.  Who knows?  That may not have happened, if not for Bear’s breaking and entering.

He’s been caught with his hand in neighbor’s cookie jars, literally.  He’s hidden out in a neighbor’s basement, to play with their dogs.  He’s streaked in the cul-de-sac…more than once.  He’s tip-toed in the tulips.  I’m telling you, I could go on and on (and on).

Now this may make us sound a bit incompetent, but we do have four children and it’s often hard to keep a beat on all of them, all of the time.  And honestly, Bear has some serious stealth. It doesn’t just happen….he plans it.  That being said, we did make attempts to secure the premises – I swear.  Bear couldn’t be in the backyard alone and his siblings were instructed to keep an eye on him.  We also made both the front and back doors keyed locks, so the kids would have to ask us to open the door for them.  The garage, still presented a problem, since the interior door did not have a key lock.  We had a second refrigerator out there and shelves for pantry over-flow, so we didn’t want to put a key lock on the door for convenience sake.  But we put a lock box on the buttons that opened the exterior garage doors.  Well, accidents still sometimes happened.  There were times when we’d forget to close the outside doors, or they were open because the other kids were playing out front, so there was still opportunity.  Then we put a code lock on the interior garage door.  See?  We really did try.

Not all neighbors understood.  One couple wasn’t very happy that Bear seemed to LOVE their backyard garden.   And we did have to call 911, more than once, when he went missing, so we kind of developed a reputation.  Eventually, this factored into our decision to move (not exclusively, but we did relish the chance of a fresh start for Bear).

There was a short period of transition, when we rented and were quite frankly very vulnerable on the Bear security front.  There was a horrible incident when he went missing for quite a while – I lost years off my life, believe me.  I still can’t really talk about.  It was awful.

Then we found our dream house.  We are so lucky.  Lots of land and a big house, with lots of doors...uh-oh.  Yeah, big problem.  I won’t bore you with all the different security scenarios we came up with, but we settled on keyed locks for all the doors.  Doors are locked at all times – and yes, I do occasionally have nightmares about the dangers of that.  It ain’t easy.

So how’d the key end up on my neck?  Well, in the beginning, I flippin’ lost my keys all the time and it sucked when someone was at the front door and I couldn’t answer it.  It would be so embarrassing when a delivery man or a neighbor would ring the doorbell and I could see them and they could see me, but I couldn’t find my key to open the door.  Then they would watch me panic, running around like a chicken without its head, looking for a key, all the while pleading with them to “hold on.”  Or, I’d be in hurry to go somewhere and couldn’t kind the key.  Then there was the time a friend dropped me off and left, and I didn’t have my key.  Blah,blah,blah.  So now I wear the key around my neck all the time.  It’s convenient and so unfashionable!

People always ask me why I have a key around my neck – so there you have it.  If someone has a short answer I can give, for the next time I’m asked, I’d love to hear it.  Snarky or cute will work!